Thursday, June 23, 2011

Jonas Valan(insert crude word here)

Shame on Fats! If the Raptors had just won the NBA championship I would have posted atleast 3 posts on the playoffs and finals. Not to mention rub it in the faces of all of the other pads writers on how wrong their predictions were. Fats has the ultimate article right under his fingertips but hasn't taken advantage of it. He is the only writer whose team has won the NBA championship!! I feel like his time is up to write something about this event of events and I will take this opportunity to write something about one of the worst teams in the NBA and my favorite team (which I hate with all my soul) your very own Toronto Raptors.

Just for emphasis I want to rewrite a sentence. Fats has the ultimate article right under his fingertips but hasn't taken advantage of it. You know who else had a great opportunity but didn't take advantage of it? The Toronto Raptors, more specifically, Bryan Colangelo. Either the guy is a genius or completely misled. Right now I am leaning toward misled. In case you haven't heard, the Raptors just drafted a 7 foot lithuanian, skinny, unathletic center with 'tremendous upside'. Sound familiar? Switch Lithuanian with Italian and I think you know what I am getting at. But don't blame Bryan Colangelo, seriously, it's not his fault. Just to repeat myself and add that I am NOT being sarcastic, do not blame Colangelo, it is not his fault.

If that last paragraph was confusing here is the decoder: Bryan Colangelo drafted a player eerily similar to Andrea Bargnani with a pick that the raptors tanked the entire last season to get. Now Bargnani and Valanpenis aren't the exact same player, but they are european, can't jump and are relatively soft. There are more differences but that is for a whole other post.

So whose fault is it that Colangelo made the same mistake twice? Well, in 2006 Dirk Nowitzky led the mavericks to the finals and nearly took home the Larry O'brian trophy. A few years later (2011) a similar thing happened but we all know the different result. So what is the common trend? Bryan Colangelo drafted an Italian 7 footer and a Lithuanian 7 footer in both those years respectively. So who is to blame for the raptors terrible top 5 draft picks? That's right, Dirk 'the German Flopper" Nowitzky. Is this a credible argument? Probably not. Can I back this up with stats and legitimate reasons? Nope. I just need a reason that feels good as to why Bryan has messed up these draft picks and why not another reason to hate Texas?

I think I will end on that. I hope to see some 'heat'ed and awesome comments soon!


  1. For being "the best NBA season in years," why do I feel unsatisfied? Is it because the Mavs won the playoffs and they're not that cool? Is it because there is currently a lockout so I have nothing to be excited about? Is it because the Jazz didn't make the playoffs? As much as I love(d) following everything, my emotions weren't stirred. For being a big Lebron fan, I was surprised how much I ended up cheering against him, though.

    Anyway, I like your argument. Dang Dirk. Valancrap (and Bargnani) will probably retire still having "tremendous upside potential." I hate that phrase; half off the Jazz players fit that bill too.

    Let's just hope that Enes Kanter is legit, and isn't the next Greg Ostertag.

  2. YOU GUYS SUCK BIG ONES!!!!!!! Why do you have to dump on Dirk after he had one of the most amazing post-season performances in a long time? He didn't fade down the stretch like Lebron, he was able to carry his team to an unexpected finals birth unlike the "MVP" Derrick Rose (my wife is gonna get mad at me, cause that's one of her favorite players), he didn't get swept like Kobe and the defending champion Lakers, and at least his team made the playoffs unlike a couple of other teams that got mentioned just above. I don't understand why no one likes him?

    As to Miller's argument about Dirk being the cause of the Raptor's love affair with tall, skinny Europeans, all I have to say is weaksauce. You have to put all the blame on BC. Plus, we don't even know if this latest guy is that much of a bust. Everyone is searching for the next someone, and apparently BC actually pays attention to how good Dirk is, cause he wants to get him some of that!

    Can you tell I'm kind of fired up? The lockout pisses me off, especially because my team now has to wait to defend its title, which isn't that great cause they're an old team (look for their preview/review coming soon, in alphabetical order!). Give Dirk and the Mavs some of the respect they deserve!!! You may not have to like them, but at least let them (and me) enjoy this championship, which by the way, was probably one of the greatest finals ever (I would have said this even if the roles had been reversed by the way). Go Mavs Go!!!