A Druggists Take on Performance Enhancing Drugs

Being born in the mid 80's, I was just old enough but not quite old enough to be excited by but not totally understand the second 3 peat of Michael Jordan's Bulls. I don't think I ever knew when the games were on but I somehow ended up catching most of the games on a 14 inch tube screen with an odd color problem making everything slightly yellow. And somehow I would watch these games alone in my basement - just the way I liked it - free to think about the game on my own. 

The Bane of the Hale's Existence

What drew me into admiring the Bulls during that run wasn't the popularity or style that MJ was so known for. It was the transcendence of his talent. On the biggest stage in the NBA he still stood out as a truly transcendent player - maximizing his physical abilities. 

One of the major aspects of my NBA entertainment experience is witnessing players play at the absolute maximum of their abilities and transcending what I think is humanly possible.

____________________

Remember Monotesticle Lance? He was vilified for using performance enhancing drugs and 'cheating' his way to overcoming human limits - but before he was caught, it was exciting. 

5 Fingers but only 1 testicle

What if using PEDs were legal? Would we view the great athletes of our day who used PEDs differently? Would they go down in the record books without an asterisk next to their name?

I think that part of maximizing talent by professional athletes should legally include the safe and effective use of PEDs. 

If a banned substance (like HGH or erythropoietin) helps athletes to recover from injuries faster, why are they unable to use it? Don't we want to see them back sooner rather than later? If a banned substance (like testosterone) can be used safely to maximize physical abilities then what is the problem?

Some of the substances banned by the NBA are used routinely in the healthcare system to aid in recovery of patients suffering from a wide variety of ailments. So to me, it doesn't make sense that players should be banned from using them. What happens when you ban substances like these is that players find a way to use them without getting caught - or by using masking agents. Masking agents are drugs used to cover up the presence of PEDs on blood tests and these agents are diuretics which can put athletes at further risk. 

Take Furosemide for example, routinely used in people with heart failure to rid their body of excess retained fluid. Furosemide depletes your body of potassium - an electrolyte essential for muscle contraction. When your muscles don't contract properly damage, cramps and even death could occur (remember your heart is a pretty important muscle).

If players didn't have to cover up their PED use (which will happen regardless of rules) they wouldn't have to go to extreme lengths to cover them up and put their health at further risk.

What I propose is an enabling approach to PED use in the NBA. That is, allow the use of substances that are proven effective but only under the DIRECT supervision of a team physician. Bodybuilders have been doing this with steroids for years! This would ensure both the SAFE & EFFECTIVE use of PEDs. 

Legally players would could recover from injury quicker, avoid inappropriate use of these drugs and maximize their physical abilities.

I hope to see an NBA where most players who enter the league can reach their maximum potential. Especially when players like Derrick Rose (a transcendent talent) is hampered by injuries early in his career and may not even reach 10 seasons in the league. I feel like an enabling approach to PED use is one of many options not being utilized that may prolong and enhance the careers of many athletes. 

Side note: Among some other ridiculous banned substances is pseudoephedrine - the drug in cough and cold medication used to unclog your nose (also used to make methamphetamine... but I doubt many NBA players need to be in that business). If abused there can be some issues with pseudoephedrine but if a player has a cold he can't even use this??? 

Gambling & Being Old: Requirements of an NBA referee

The year is 2001. Late into the NBA conference finals heading into game 6 of a Bucks vs 76ers series featuring the current league MVP (Iverson) and THE greatest shooter of all time (Ray Allen) - then entering his prime. The series thus far had been evenly matched and wildly entertaining - with no shortage of controversy.

Coming on the heels of a crushing 1 point loss in game 5, Allen felt as though his team was getting the short end of the stick.

"I think there's no question about that. The league, as a marketing machine, the bottom line is about making money," Allen said. "It behooves everybody for the league to make more money, and the league knows that Philadelphia is going to make more money with L.A. than we would with L.A."

 His comments come with good reason considering the way the Bucks lost the game. In the waning minutes of the game Sam Cassell received a technical foul then both Glenn Robinson & Tim Thomas committed flagrant fouls resulting in a 5-point possession and two 4-point possessions which ultimately put the nail in the bucks coffin - or if you're into hunting - put the arrow through the male deer's brain? What these 3 types of fouls have in common is that they are subject to the discretion of the referee - and open to the possibility of bias in an occupation that requires strict fairness at it's fundamental core.

Even 13 years ago the reffing of the NBA was questionable. Today is no different.

But are the refs corrupt? Do they follow an agenda set out by the commissioner of the NBA to fix games so that the most profitable matchups are seen in each playoff round?

The Gambling Ref

I am not a conspiracy theorist (at least when it comes to the NBA) and as entertaining it is to explore the possibility of conspiracies in the NBA, I just don't buy it. I do, however, fall into the emotional trap of getting all worked up over close (and sometimes outright terrible) calls that go against my team. And don't for one second 'kidd' yourself that Jason Kidd & Joe Johnson's comments criticizing the reffing in last years epic 7 game series vs the raptors didn't win the series for the Nets. (the series was EXTREMELY close - over the 11 games they played each other over the seaseon the point differential was with in 5 - enough that a few swayed calls was the difference in the series). But ultimately I do not believe that refs favor one team over the other (unless they are gambling on the game...).




I think the issue with refs is that they are subject to human follies. This goes two ways. Refs are prone to persuasion. When players, media and the like make scathing comments about the officiating I believe that the refs become subconsciously worried about what was said and alter the way they call the next game or two. Additionally, when fans see a perceived injustice in the officiating it becomes magnified to the point that they only see the mistakes - and it makes the officiating seem worse than it actually is.

Are games sometimes called unfairly? Absolutely, but over the course of 82 games or a 7 game series I think that these things have a way of averaging themselves out. The best teams make the playoffs and the best team wins the series - 90% of the time. But for the 10% of the time something strange happens, look to Sir Charles for inspiration:

"We don't need refs, but I guess white guys need something to do."

— Charles Barkley

These are the offseason thoughts I have had on officiating and I am sure that once the season starts I will almost certainly change my mind based solely on emotion. I have come to terms with my perceived injustice that is NBA officiating and realize that it is mostly created from my own perception. I feel like just knowing and understanding this will help me to enjoy the game - although it will always be fun to yell at a TV and scare my infant children.

I still like the NBA

Hey Paddies,

I still follow and love the NBA. I also remembered that this blog was one of my more enjoyable hobbies (2 years ago!!!). As this new 2014/15 season approaches I really hope to revive this blog even if I am the only one that is writing new posts. So to get started, I have controversial predictions.

First, Paul Pierce will not make the Washington Wizards better - in fact they will be a worse team than last year.

PP is aging and hasn't been an effective SF since he left Boston. The only reason he made things interesting in Brooklyn was because he became a new-age small ball PF and stretched the offensive floor for everyone else. Going to Washington he will move back to the SF spot where he's a step too slow defensively - which is the opposite of what they just came from in Trevor Ariza (and  don't forget that defense is what made them successful).

Second, Lance Stephenson will poop all over the Hornets.

I hate to say it (because I love everything about the change from Bobcats to Hornets) but I think that Stephenson is a headcase that was only held in check by not being 'the guy' in Indiana. Give him the keys to the franchise and he will kill what momentum they had last year. Not to mention he doesn't make sense for their team... they need outside shooting. Out of Kemba Walker, Stephenson, MKG, Cody Zeller and Al Jefferson only ONE (walker) is a decent 3pt shooter. I hope I'm wrong, but they could be horrible on offense..

And that's All I got. As I write more little posts my goal is to both spawn interest and get better at writing quality. I feel like this is an easy and fun hobbie to have and if any paddie would like to contribute (including and outside of the original 4) just ask and I can make you a contributor.

Thanks for reading you losers.

Now disagree with my controversial predictions.

I Give Thanks

It has been 336 days since the last post on Patrick Ewing's Knee Pads. We basically missed an entire season...I'm not going to let that happen again.

Yesterday was Canadian Thanksgiving. Yesterday was also the Utah Jazz' first preseason game. Between the 2 events happening simultaneously, it caused me to reflect on what I was thankful for this NBA season. Here are 8 (weird number...but that's how many came to mind right away) of those reasons, in no particular order:

1. James Harden's Beard - It's just big and cool. It makes me happy every time I see it, and I can only hope to replicate it one day.

2. a) No Lockout - This time last year I felt like every hocky fan today: depressed. I don't have to hope for a repeat birthday present from last year, which was the day they announced the end of the lockout.
2. b) No Hockey - I don't specifically have anything against hockey other than it overwhelms every media source in Canada and we miss out on more NBA coverage.

3. Steve Nash and Dwight Howard on the Lakers....psych!

4. Blake Griffin's dunks - I have to admit, some of the novelty has worn off, but I haven't been this excited about watching someone dunk since before Vince Carter gave up on his career. We all know that he will have at least a few dunks that we will see on the highlights more than 50 times this season.

5. Jonas Valanciunas - I don't have super high expectations for him, or the Raptors, this year but I think this is someone who will change the future of the franchise for the better (I hope).

6. The Utah Jazz - It's nice to cheer for a team who either makes, or comes close to making, the playoffs every year. If only they could make it past the first or second round again. At least their future looks like this

7. Lebron's NBA Championship - I am thankful for this for 3 reasons: 1) I like Lebron. He seems nice and cool. 2) We can finally stop hearing everyone in the media talk about how he has never won a title. 3) It puts him one step closer to stealing Michael Jordan's title of "Greatest of All Time." Speaking of which...

8. Michael Jordan's Charlotte Bobcats - I don't wish for bad things to happen to ol' MJ, but I have to admit that it is extremely satisfying to see the man who "single-handedly" stole two championships from my team be the absolute worst at something. Remember how the Bobcats were the worst team of all time last year? Yep, Michael Jordan helped that happen.

I can only hope to be thankful for even more by the time American Thanksgiving rolls around.

Mark Cuban Peeing in a Urinal With Larry O'Brien's Trophy

It's time for Miller Regent's most Ultimate post of all time.

Taking a break from the Previews for one second, I thought I would just drop the greatest blog post ever written. Then I realized that there's nothing to write about.... There's nothing going on in the NBA and the next best thing (NFL) just isn't the same.

Yesterday (Monday) I finished my last mid-term of the semester. I am so accustomed to winding down from mid-term season by catching the Raptors play at around 7 ET 5 our time that by habit I ended up watching Monday night football with Michael Vick's Eagles taking on Erlacher's Bears. Other than championship games, this was one of the first times I have ever sat down to watch an ENTIRE football game from start to finish. Starting from watching some of the pre-game show to the starting cinematic I was more than pumped to see som pigskin flinging, bonecrunching action. I felt as excited as I ever have been for a regular season NBA game... so much so that I almost forgot there was a lockout and I almost believed that I could get into the NFL and completely forget the NBA. I even wanted very badly to forget the NBA and replace it with the NFL so that I could boycott the NBA to show my hatred for the greed on display in what they call the LOCKOUT.

However, after the first quarter I was bored. I wanted to fastforward to sportscenter after the game and just watch the highlights. Football just doesn't offer what basketball does. On rough estimate, there is a dunk or 3-pointer every 2 minutes in the NBA (including commercials and timeouts in the time). Every time there is a momentum-changing play in the NFL? Probably every 10 minutes (on average). It's the stoppage of play, a necessary evil, but terrible for those of us who want to maximize their TV sports watching experience.

Despite it's pitfalls, the NFL has it's place. I would argue that it is the best sport to watch when you get together with the buds. There is ample time for catching up, eating, belching and (of course) Farting the Big Farts. But as far as watching a football game by yourself?? It will never be as good as the NBA.

So why am I telling you these things my friends? Well, I'm not too sure (but I'm willing to bet Cam's Penis might know). Maybe it's because there is nothing to talk about in the NBA right now. I should be coming home to the raptors game raring to go at 5pm on Monday's Wednesdays and sometimes Fridays. I should be watching game highlights on my laptop at school while I should be paying attention. I should be looking forward to catching a couple games at The Grey Nathan's Parent's house over the christmas holidays but then never actually getting around to do it. We should be talking about how much we hate the Mavs because they are only good due to a wealthy owner. And we should be debating right now whether the raptors and jazz have what it takes to squeak into the playoffs or not.

But, we are not doing these things. And we might not be able to this year. And I can't decide whether I hate myself for liking the NBA too much or I hate the players and owners for loving money too much. Let's just hope something changes soon.

Cleveland Cavaliers and the NBA Lockout

(I might as well join in with Sam)

The 2010-11 Cleveland Cavaliers are proof that Lebron James should have been the season's MVP. With him they were one of the best teams in the league (maybe the best - they might have had the most regular season wins, I don't remember and don't feel like looking it up). After losing him and little else, they instantly became the worst team of all time. That might sound like an exaggeration, but as far as I'm concerned, setting the all-time record for the longest losing streak (something like 30, maybe the highest in all professional sports) makes you the worst team ever.

The Cleveland Cavaliers are much like the Chevrolet Cavalier I drive: they're both poorly put together. Anytime a team completely disintegrates after losing one player - no matter how good that player is - it's safe to say the organization was flawed. Kyrie Irving and Tristan Thompson aren't going to turn things around any better than Cam's penis would. I was about to say they're on the right with those draft picks, but I'm not so sure. I still don't understand why Irving was the consensus number one pick after having only played half a season of college ball. I won't say he'll be a huge bust, but I think he'll struggle. I don't know much about Tristan Thompson other than that his first name is my middle name and he's Canadian, so I think he'll be just fine.

But a prediction: the Cavs will be the worst team in the league next season, and it will be a while before things start looking up for them. Some NBA experts will pick them to be a surprise, but they won't be.

Another team that won't be a surprise: Minnesota. They'll be in the running for the worst in the league. Another prediction: many NBA experts actually will pick them to be a surprise. Another team that won't be a surprise: the Toronto Raptors, as much as I hate to say it, and as much as I'm really trying not to say it.

I was going to go on for a while and try to say something interesting and creative, but with the Cleveland Cavaliers as a subject, that is difficult to do. I was also going to post this a long time ago, because it has been finished for a long time, but I couldn't force myself to do it. I can't get excited about the NBA because I hate the NBA. Considering the NBA is actually my favorite thing on earth, that last statement isn't a true one, but yet it somehow is. As this lockout continues and millionaires continue to squabble about money, my anger grows. And I'm not mad about not watching basketball. I don't think anyone is. We're mad that this thing is happening at all. It's so disgusting that I've even had the thought that I don't want to watch it whenever it comes back. Now, I know that I won't be able to do that, but the fact that I've thought about it says a lot. Why should I associate myself with this abstract giant that is so greedy, selfish, manipulative, and uncaring towards me and all the other people who support it - the people who, were we to stop supporting it, could bring about its demise?

But I love basketball. I love watching it played at the highest level. And there's nothing I can do. That might sound pathetic - that I actually cannot separate myself from it - and it might not be completely true, but I feel it. Following the NBA has become part of my identity. The NBA means nothing, it's pointless, and it's even stupid - we spend hours watching, dissecting, and arguing about grown men throwing a ball through a hoop - but it's part of my life. Some of my best memories involve the NBA. But the memories aren't about the NBA itself. They're about the people who experience the NBA with me: my friends and family. They're the people I get excited with, argue with, text to, scream to.

I had actually thought I could leave the NBA behind, until our old friend Bill Simmons pulled me back. Item 55 in his recent "Proactively Mourning the NBA" column says, "Those random nights when three straight awesome crunch-times happen within a frantic span of 45 minutes, with my buddy Hirschy's inevitable 'Are you watching?' text happening somewhere along the lines." That's what it's all about. Those texts, and those phone calls before texts existed, and those next day conversations before we thought to use the phone, and those re-enactments on NBA Live when the actual games weren't happening, and the constant discussions we have anytime we meet up, and this blog.

That's why I care about the NBA. But the NBA doesn't care about me.

Part 4: The Chicago Bulls

My wife got mad at me the other day for using the word penis too much in my blog posts. Since she hates basketball I am surprised that she even read the pads. But she is probably right. In the last 5 posts the word penis was probably the most used out of any individual word. And of those penis appearances, many related to Cam's penis and Greg Oden only knows how embarassing it is to have your penis all over the internet. So as a warning to all you pad lovers, expect less penises popping up on the pads in the future. On that note, many things have happened in the last week. School started. The NFL just kicked off (literally, I just watched the kickoff). Andrea Bargnani pretty consistently grabbed double digit rebounds in the Euro tournament. Valanwanker has made the most out of his extra alotment of minutes at the euros and has already shown that he can play with the big boys. AND the NBA has increased their labor talks which is a good sign. There have been many hints that these talks are promising and the likelihood of an NBA season has gone from 10% to 90%. I'm excited.

So what does this all mean for the cinderella chicago bulls? Nothing much. I think of all the teams the Bulls probably wouldn't be affected whether there was an NBA season or not. The players aren't aging and they are all pretty much under longish term contracts. The only thing might be that they would lose some momentum gained from last years dramatic turnaround, the MVP and Coach of the year award. There is lots to debate about the Bulls but not much will change for them going into the future so this might be one of the least exciting previews but one of the most debatable.

Current Situation: It has been widely documented that the Bulls need a shooting guard of the likes of Ray Allen. But couldn't every single team in the NBA use Ray Allen? Even the Lakers (not to replace Kobe but to play with him.). I agree with the idea that the bulls need a shooter to an extent. Yes they need a knock down shooter, but don't they need a shooter AND pseudo creator to take the load off of Rose? Someone like Joe Johnson (but not Joe Johnson). This is why the Bulls had high interest in Demar Derozan. He is a good mid range shooter who can somewhat create plays and get to the line with lots of room to grow.

Here's a question: If Lebron had stayed in cleveland and had the exact same stats as those he had in Miami, would he have won his third straight MVP? The answer is YES! So The Bulls have a pseudo-MVP, a defensively defficient all-star PF and a borderline all-star C. I just don't see this team ever being a contender unless they get another allstar player and I can't decide whether it has to be a BIG or a WING. This team is just a strange mix that seems to work out.

Moving Forward: It's hard to improve on the best record in the league and Chicago won't. Barring any major trades after the lockout the Bulls will wind up second in the east. Miami will be better next year and I don't think anyone will catch them. At this point they have to either find a diamond in the second round next year  or make a steal of a trade if they want to contend with miami. If they could swing a deal with the Rockets in the likes of Boozer and a shooting guard for Martin and Scola then the bulls might be set to seriously contend. Sadly the bulls would probably have to give up Deng in that deal to make it work, which wouldn't be worth it.

On the flip side, the bulls could just sit pretty and consistently make it deep in the playoffs, which isn't a bad plan. This way they have a good chance of catching a break every year and going all the way. You never know what could happen in the playoffs.

I can't decide if I like the bulls or not. I hate Boozer and Noah but like Rose and Deng but if Full team trades (coaches included) were possible, I would trade the raptors for the bulls in a second.

Stay tuned for the Cavaliers preview from The Grey coloured Nathan.

Part 3: The Charlotte Hornets, I mean... Bobcats

I have two favorite things to do on youtube. One, I like to look up literal versions of famous music videos. It is hit or miss whether it is funny or not but when it's a hit, it's a homerun like this one. Sometimes I wish that more things in life were more literal. If more things in life were literal or atleast thought through in a literal way maybe we wouldn't do so many dumb things. Take the Charlotte Bobcats for example. A running list of things they have done in the past may include:

- Choose Bobcats as a team symbol

- Decide that Orange and pale blue are the best team colors (because bobcats are orange and blue)

- Draft Adam Morrison

- Peek at Cam's Penis

- Trade away any all-star calibre player the year right after they make their first ever playoff appearance so that the only player anyone can recognize on the team is Michael Jordan (oh wait, he doesn't play)

We may have the benefit of hindsight in looking at the bobcats this way but I remember when they did some of these things and couldn't believe it. It's just too bad the bobcat's literal description doesn't turn out as funny like the Youtube music videos. It's just sad.

The second thing I like to do on Youtube is watch this guy. I mean, how credible can you be when someone dubs farts in after everything you do? It's hilarious, but in the case of the bobcats it's a reality. Everytime they take a step forward someone in management farts on it.

Current situation: Can you name a single player on the Bobcats? How about Steven Jackson or Gerald Wallace or Tyson Chandler, oh wait, they got traded last year. I guess I can't name a single player on Charlottes team. The Bobcats are the most unlikeable team in the NBA BY FAR! They have made the playoffs once in their entire existence and Michael Jordan keeps trading away any decent players they have for cap space. WHY would you aquire cap space in CHARLOTTE???!!! Was Lebron James on the verge of signing with the Bobcats but they just didn't have enough money? It's funny that despite all of their shortcomings if you were to dash a little purple on their jerseys T-Wah would consider them one of his favorite teams. So where do they go from here?

For the Future: The Bobcats did get some interesting picks in this years draft. Bismack Biyombo who could be at best the next Ben Wallace but has also been famously described in draft workouts as the guy who played 1 on 1 vs himself and LOST! They also got Kemba Walker who I actually wish the Raptors had drafted. He could be anywhere from a TJ Ford to a Chris Paul type player but he won an NCAA championship which sometimes speaks louder than anything else. If I were GM of the Bobcats I would make a three way trade with Utah and N.O. to make all the names actually make sense. Charlotte Hornets, Utah Bobcats and New Orleans Jazz. Then I would change the look to Black and Yellow jerseys and trade anything and everything to get as many lottery picks in next years draft to get Harrison Barnes and this guy keep in mind that this guy is 7 feet tall and a center. Of course I don't want them to employ this strategy so that the Raptors can.

Boston Celtics

These (current) Boston Celtics probably won't win another championship. But they might. You can't say it's likely. But you can't say it's unlikely. They're not favorites and they're not underdogs. If they win the next championship it won't be surprising. But if they don't, I guess it would be less surprising. No one will pick them to win it, but they can win it if everything goes right. But their most important players are old, so everything probably won't go right.

Boston has the most to lose from a prolonged lockout, and the most to gain from a shortened season. Maybe. If the whole season is lost, they're at a huge disadvantage. This lineup isn't getting any younger. They still have a shot at a championship. But that window will probably close after next season - maybe it can be propped open until the end of the season after that. But if next season is held when the season after is supposed to be, they're facing that closing window that will be all but shut. But a shortened season could be an advantage, depending on how the NBA structures it. If it's like the '99 season it may not be so advantageous. In '99 they crammed in 50 (or so) games where 50 (or so) games normally wouldn't fit. Four games in five or six days and back-to-back-to-backs aren't good for old legs. But if the shortened season is more reasonably spaced, it could be great for Boston. For the last few seasons they have been almost unbeatable before the all-star game. If the whole season was as long as half a season and there is less time for burn outs, break downs, and injuries, the Celtics would be in great shape for a title run. But, again, it depends on when the season would start and how many games would be played. So along with us fans, the lower-paid players, and Cam's penis, the Celtics probably have the most at stake during this disgusting lockout.

Also, the Perkins-Green trade was terrible. Jeff Green isn't very good. Perkins, based on his playoff performance, doesn't seem very good either. But, he said it himself, he was playing at around 50%. But I think Perkins - a true, defensive, tough, imposing center - at 50% is better than what Green gave them and what he ever will give them. True centers are hard to come by. When you find them, you have to keep them. And the trade messed up their chemistry. I don't know how to prove that, and it shouldn't be an excuse - it's kind of pathetic how much it messed them up - but it's hard to deny that it had an effect. And now they're in a position where the trade gave them something they already had - wing players - and left them in a position where they have a huge hole. With Shaq and Perkins gone and Jermaine O'Neal's death five years ago, that hole is in the middle. I don't know what they're going to do to fill that hole, or if they already have (I can't remember, and this pathetic lockout is preventing me from looking it up on NBA.com) but it's their biggest problem and they brought it on themselves. How that hole is filled will determine the size of their championship window. It was open last year.

There is one positive thing to say about the trade. Ainge said he did it with an eye for the future (I still don't know why he wasn't thinking of the present when they had a shot at a championship, but I'm trying to be positive). That is actually good news. The specifics of the trade wasn't good news - Jeff Green isn't going to be the future of the franchise - but that attitude is good news. When the big three were put together they were already fairly old players. As a fan who became attached to the team in the Walter McCarty - Kenny Anderson years, I thought the setup was great. Boston would be in a position to have a few winning seasons. But I figured that would be it - once those guys passed their prime it would be back to the lottery. So Ainge deserves some credit, not only for putting together the championship team and this winning lineup, but for having a plan to perpetuate that success. So even if I don't agree with his latest move, he does deserve the benefit of the doubt. Maybe seeing a GM thinking for the future shouldn't be something I'm so excited about, but as a Raptors fan, I'm not used to it.

Big Miller's Lockout Inspired Team Previews: The Atlanta Hawks

Hello Blog world and NBA Basketball fans.

In the name of Patrick Ewing and his knee pads I declare the NBA lockout a travesty! The lockout is a terrible representation and harsh reality of professional sports. While all of us die-hard fans anxiously check ESPN every day in hopes of some miracle solution to the labour negotiations, millionaires argue with millionaires over [approximately] a few million dollars spread between 500 players. WHO GIVES A CRAP!! JUST END THE LOCKOUT!! I sometimes feel like our good friend and pal 'Milk' who once made the mistake of falling asleep before the rest of us at a sleepover. We threatened to cut the shaggy mop on his head that he called hair if he fell asleep before us, so true to our word we got out a pair of clippers and turned it on close enough to his head that he could hear it. He immediately jumped up and screamed:

"GET LOST (Gay Slur)!" When we asked him what was the matter he responded

" I don't know, I just kindof dreamed that there were all of these PENISES around me!"

Just to clarify, back then gay slurs (although not any more correct) weren't frowned upon as much as they are in todays society. Plus if Kobe Bryant can say it, so can Milk. Nevertheless, I now understand my friends panic upon being startled at the thought of losing something dear to him.

Despite the lockout, I am hoping for a season this upcoming fall. If I could, I would do something proactive about the lockout to help it end but I am just a student in Saskatchewan, Canada with a negative monetary value to my name and a small business that barely broke even this summer; which means little to no influential power in the world of sports. But boy oh boy can I blog!! So in anticipation of the 2011/2012 season (that WILL happen) I am starting (and will hopefully finish before the season starts) a preview of all 30 teams in the NBA.

The Atlanta Falcons (just kidding) Hawks

Current situation: I can't help but think that the Hawks are the current incarnation of the Wizards 4 to 5 years ago. They are now locked into the 5/4 seed of the East for the next 5 years, like the wiz were. Joe Johnsons contract handcuffs them in that spot with little room for improvement, like Arenas' did to the Wiz. They have three key players who are 1) perennial all-star reserve (Joe Johnson, Gilbert Arenas) 2)sometimes an all-star, sometimes not (Al Horford, Antawn Jamison) and 3)Borderline all-star who may make it once or twice (Josh Smith, Caron Butler). Atleast they are a perennial playoff team right? Wrong. What's the point of achieving the exact same thing every year without progressing? Oh yeah, here's an insider secret: Joe Johnson isn't that good. Atleast not even close to 20 million a year good.

Going Forward: It seems like the Hawks have some tradeable pieces and they are only a player or two away from going from good to really good. They need to be careful not to go Orlando Magic on themselves and Trade 4 key players all at once and hope for the best. They do need to make a move though and it has to bolster their starting unit. The Hawks bench is one to be envious of, it has scoring and energy and is probably one of the most solid benches in the league so whatever change is made, it has to be to either the point or center position. Since Centers are hard to come by, maybe they should try to get Baron Davis? Wouldn't Davis be a little more motivated to play on a playoff team? Personally I think he would be a perfect fit for their team. I also think that Cleveland would HAVE to bite on some sort of Hinrich plus a pick or money for Davis deal. Either way, there's not many elite or potentially elite point guard deals out there that the hawks could swing, but they might as well swing for the fences while they are handcuffed by the Johnson contract.

Well, there you have it. The first installment of the 30 team preview. If you are wondering why I started with the Atlanta Hawks it's simple. I am going to go in alphabetical order. I hope you enjoy these previews while the Millionaires poop in our beds. Best case scenario, I won't be able to finish these previews before the season starts and then we can stop imagining PENISES everywhere.

Wince Farter and Boners Boners

First off, the title of this post is not crude. Well it is but the back story isn't so much, plus it's funny so I decided to add it (as always, something seemingly unrelated will relate to something in the end of my post).

During the middle of my university experimentation I took a class with Beavis in the department of philosophy called Logic. We passed the course but not without renaming one of the logical sequences from Modus Ponens to Boners Boners.

Remembering this monumental moment in my life I realized how our whole lives revolve around renaming things to something funnier or easier to remember. I'm not sure if I should call this a talent, but for the sake of ease (because we all care about ease's sake) I WILL call it a 'talent'. The talent even extends beyond my own memory at times as exemplified in the case of Schwann's red headed friend, Poonjabbi (or something like that). Apparently I called him Poonjabbi once and it stuck, I was reminded that I created the name 2 years later with no recollection whatsoever. This talent isn't exclusively mine by any stretch. I feel like The paddies boys and friends all have this and utilize it more than the average individual.

The Wince Farter part of the title is just for fun. I read it on raptorsrepublic recently and laughed my head off. And pictured in my head the above picture. It's funny because the big farts are often preceeded by a wince.

One of my favorite things on the planet earth is to play church ball. I have been thinking about church ball alot lately and wish that we all lived in closer proximity so that we could play on a regular basis. So in light of name calling and churchball, What would be the utlimate 5 on 5 churchball game?

I think it would be something like this:

Team 1:

pg-Buck/Schwann

sg-Snakes/Snitts

sf-The Luckiest David/Clarke (what's clarke's nickname?)

pf-Razr/ Zack Jensen

C-Ladders/ Dwight Howard

Team 2:

pg- Miller Regent/ Little Steve

sg- Beavis / Jamario Luigi

sf- The Grey Nathan/ Spanchy Starrow

pf- Milk/ The Gorilla/ Pants/ Time/ Camela Anderson/ Camgina

C- Dirk Nowitzky. I mean, Fats/ Big Steve

I think this roster would give the best combination of funny, fun and competitiveness to a churchball game. Key combinations are 4 grads 4 buddies, The walkers, The Hales minus Beavis, Big and little steve and the Hydes. There's alot of people I may have forgottent about but these are the ones that usually show up, plus theres alot of room for changes and I want to see what you guys would organize. What would your ultimate churchball game rosters look like?

Jonas Valan(insert crude word here)

Shame on Fats! If the Raptors had just won the NBA championship I would have posted atleast 3 posts on the playoffs and finals. Not to mention rub it in the faces of all of the other pads writers on how wrong their predictions were. Fats has the ultimate article right under his fingertips but hasn't taken advantage of it. He is the only writer whose team has won the NBA championship!! I feel like his time is up to write something about this event of events and I will take this opportunity to write something about one of the worst teams in the NBA and my favorite team (which I hate with all my soul) your very own Toronto Raptors.

Just for emphasis I want to rewrite a sentence. Fats has the ultimate article right under his fingertips but hasn't taken advantage of it. You know who else had a great opportunity but didn't take advantage of it? The Toronto Raptors, more specifically, Bryan Colangelo. Either the guy is a genius or completely misled. Right now I am leaning toward misled. In case you haven't heard, the Raptors just drafted a 7 foot lithuanian, skinny, unathletic center with 'tremendous upside'. Sound familiar? Switch Lithuanian with Italian and I think you know what I am getting at. But don't blame Bryan Colangelo, seriously, it's not his fault. Just to repeat myself and add that I am NOT being sarcastic, do not blame Colangelo, it is not his fault.

If that last paragraph was confusing here is the decoder: Bryan Colangelo drafted a player eerily similar to Andrea Bargnani with a pick that the raptors tanked the entire last season to get. Now Bargnani and Valanpenis aren't the exact same player, but they are european, can't jump and are relatively soft. There are more differences but that is for a whole other post.

So whose fault is it that Colangelo made the same mistake twice? Well, in 2006 Dirk Nowitzky led the mavericks to the finals and nearly took home the Larry O'brian trophy. A few years later (2011) a similar thing happened but we all know the different result. So what is the common trend? Bryan Colangelo drafted an Italian 7 footer and a Lithuanian 7 footer in both those years respectively. So who is to blame for the raptors terrible top 5 draft picks? That's right, Dirk 'the German Flopper" Nowitzky. Is this a credible argument? Probably not. Can I back this up with stats and legitimate reasons? Nope. I just need a reason that feels good as to why Bryan has messed up these draft picks and why not another reason to hate Texas?

I think I will end on that. I hope to see some 'heat'ed and awesome comments soon!

Playoffs!

Happy Valentine's Day from Zach Randolph. Or Happy The Grey Nathan Can Still Make Patrick's Pads Posts Day. I thought what better time to make a post than when I have an essay due today that I haven't started and final exams next week that I'm not prepared for. T-wah informed me that I didn't make a single post during the regular season. For that I am ashamed. At least I've made plenty of comments. But I'm still ashamed. I have a really neat idea for a post but I don't have time to write it right now. But maybe next week. So see ya later.

Just kidding. I thought with the playoffs kicking off tomorrow, it would be appropriate to write something about it. But I'm not going to do that. There are plenty of playoff preview articles out there and I don't really have time to make an original one. So instead I just want to post my predictions and encourage everyone else to do the same in the comments. But first, a picture:

Kurt Rambis and Danny Ainge might both be idiots. So this is a good picture.

Without further ado (because there's been too much ado already) I present The Grey Nathan's Playoff Picks of Pickled Peppers (because here at Patrick Ewing's Knee Pads there's no such thing as too much alliteration):

(I'll have to keep this brief because I really shouldn't be doing this right now. But I can't resist.)

THE EAST

Chicago over Indiana in 4 games.

-because the Pacers are only in the playoffs because no one else wanted to be.

Miami over Philly in 6

- I think AI will slow Lebron down. Not that much, but I think they can squeak out a couple wins and extend the series to the point that people are surprised and a little nervous that the playoffs might get ruined by a team no one wants to watch.

Boston over New York in 6

-Carmelo will have a couple games where he can't be stopped. But the rest of the team besides Amare isn't good at all.

Orlando over Atlanta in 6

- it will take them longer than it should because Atlanta has Collins. haha. But I guess he's really good at stopping DH (yes, David Humphrey) and unlike last year, if you can do that this year, the rest of the team isn't very good and will have a hard time making up for that. I'm referring to how last year Charlotte pretty much made him a non-factor, but just didn't have enough to make the rest of the team pay. I think that was a hugely underrated move. They got him in terrible foul trouble and frustrated the crap out of him. I tried to look up the stats but my feeble effort failed. If you can find it, it's more incredible than anyone said. So if you have a good defender and a decent team, you can beat the magic easily this year. I had Atlanta as my upset for a while, but I guess they suck and hate their coach. So they won't pull it off, but they'll make it harder than it should be.

SECOND ROUND

Bulls over Magic in 5

- I don't have any faith in the Magic. The Bulls are way better.

Celtics over Heat in 7

-Whoa!!! I know! I can't believe I'm doing it, but I actually believe it. The C's look terrible lately, but they always do that at the end of the year. In fact, most good teams do. Look at the Spurs and Lakers. They look awful. But none of those teams is going to be awful in the playoffs. I think experience and teamwork will pay off for the Celtics. Pierce is good enough to slow down Lebron, I hope Green and Allen can slow down Wade and help with Lebron. And Bosh is ALWAYS terrible against the Celtics. And that covers their team. I just don't think the 3 man team is going to work. Maybe that's naive or old-fashioned or just hopeful. I had given up on the Celtics until just a moment ago. I have hope that they'll turn it on in the playoffs.

ECF

Celtics over Bulls in 7

-this is hard. The Bulls are fantastic. I love watching them. They killed the Celtics a few days ago. But I really think experience will pay off and the C's will gain confidence as the playoffs progress. This one could go either way though. It'll be fun to watch.

WEST

Spurs over Grizzlies in 6

- I think the Grizz will catch them sleeping a couple times. They're weirdly good. If there's ever going to be another 8 over 1 upset anytime soon, I actually think it could happen here. I haven't seen enough of the Grizz to really believe though. From what I hear, they're really interesting. Those kinds of teams often make some noise in the first round. Maybe they'll stretch it to 7 games.

OKC over Denver in 5

- people think this series will be closer than I do. I think Denver is going to realize that they don't have a star player and then notice that OKC has two. That might happen in the first or second game of the series. I just think the good vibes of continuing on successful after the Melo thing will wear off soon.

this one's for Fats

Dallas over Portland in 7

-I don't even know if I believe this, but so many people are picking against the Mavs that they're kind of the underdogs. I think Portland matches up well against them, but Dallas has the best player in the series. LMA will pull his weight, but I think Dirk will outplay him.

LA over New Orleans in 4

-won't even be close. The Hornets aren't any good. I've only seen CP3 play twice this year, and one of the times Jose Calderon made him look like he was Ian Walker. Never a good sign. I would take it as a fluke if I hadn't heard that he's lost his step overall.

ROUND 2

San Antonio over OKC in 6

- we're all going to remember that the Spurs are good and the Thunder are overrated. Don't get me wrong, I hate the Spurs and love the Thunder, but people are still getting carried away about them. Come on Bill Simmons, OKC - Chicago final? When does it ever happen that two teams with no playoff experience beat every team with it? It's not going to happen, as much as I would love to see it.

LA over Dallas in 7

-this'll be a fun series to watch. I think Kobe has just enough left in the tank for another title run.

WCF

LA over San Antonio in 6

- I hate this series and I hope I'm wrong and that it doesn't happen. Yuck.

Finals

Boston over LA in 7

- Rematch! This was my pick at the beginning of the year, and I haven't seen quite enough to change it. I mean, I've seen a lot, and it's almost enough, but not quite. I'm not 100% convinced Boston has blown it. A couple days ago I was, so this might change. But like I said earlier, I think winning in the playoffs will help them gel, if that's the problem. They'll get their confidence back. I don't think this pick is just because I'm a Boston fan. It might be, but I really do think they have as good of a chance as anyone. And I think their experience will be a huge factor that matters more than it seems like it should. I'm probably in the minority on this one, and fair enough. It could go any number of ways. That's what makes this year's playoffs so exciting. I can't wait.

Post your picks in the comments.

MGD, Miller's Genuine Draft

It's been far too long since I last posted. My only excuse is that I've been way to busy learning to be a drug dealer, but since I'm posting this during Final exams my excuse is pretty much invalid. So I won't give you pad followers any excuse for my laziness. You can just deal with it.

Yesterday I had a good memory. It was of a time when a whole slew of us were gathered at The Grey Nathan/Fats' pad. When suddenly about 10 of us broke into jumping in a tight group in one location on the main floor. This location happened to be right above fats' room. The excessive vibration from the excessive activity caused a light fixture to excessively wiggle. Naturally, Fats ran up stairs screaming bloody murder. So we limited the jumping somewhat.

I share this story with you because it's funny how Fats completely lost it. But it is also a perfect illustration of my feelings right now with the NBA.

First, the jumping and excitement is how I feel about the state of the NBA. This almost goes without saying, but this years NBA playoffs are going to be probably one of the greatest post seasons of our lifetimes. Chicago, Miami, Boston, L.A. and San Antonio all have probably an equal chance of winning the title. It all comes down to matchups and who makes their shots. All of the teams have their weaknesses and teams that they matchup well or terrible against. Which makes this years playoffs all the more exciting. There is so much talent in the league that every series is watchable. I can't wait for it all to begin. And for the record, I am picking Miami over Lakers in 6. Maybe if you comment I will give you a more lengthy explanation as to how I came to this prediction.

Second, The pure rage and completely "lost-it-ness" that Fats so gracefully demonstrated in the above story is how I feel about the NBA reffing. It's TURRIBLE!!! Whenever the raptors announcers mention how DeRozan will get more calls in the future if he keeps driving to the hoop and gains recognition I loose it! Shouldn't the game be called fair? Shouldn't the same contact to a superstar be called to anyone driving the lane that gets hit? It just makes the game unfair and closer to fixed WWE wrestling matches than professional sports. Sorry to ruin the surprise for all you WWE fans, but it's not real. Don't believe me? watch this. When refs are involved in gambling fraud or overheard telling a coach they will give them a "make up" call for an earlier missed call there is something wrong. I feel like there should be something done about this situation, but I'm not smart enough to figure it out.

I guess the good thing about the horrendous officiating is that it made me really think about why I love the NBA. I mean, through all of the unfairness and games ultimately decided by a horrible call, i still love to watch. It comes down to the game itself. It is something that is hard to master, putting a ball through a hoop only marginally bigger than the ball while opposing, bigger players try to stop you from doing it. On a nightly basis in the NBA you get to see people come as close to humanly possible to mastering this craft and mastering this craft requires skills that are only posessed by a handful of people in the world. So every night the NBA presents a demonstration of things that cannot be done by normal people, like flying through the air for a dunk or hitting the extended 3 pointer with ease. These things are hightened come playoff time and I they make me want to jump around and make unnecessary noise. I just hope the officiating doesn't mess it up or I might lose my mind (like Fats) and yell at myself for jumping around and being excited for baskteball's WWE tournament.

Why the NBA Beats College Ball

Take yourself back to mid-February...now name 5 NCAA college basketball players...

If you succeeded, congratulations; you just named 0.111% (that's just barely over 1 out of a thousand) of Division I college basketball players (not to mention Division II AND Division III). If you failed, don't feel bad. So did I.

Now name 5 players in the NBA. How about 10? 20? Even if you only named 5, you still named more than 1% of the players in the league. Now, when was the last time you purposely watched strangers play basketball? Do you ever drive to the local high school to catch a game (assuming you don't have a friend or family member on either team)? How much do you enjoy watching Euroleague basketball games when they are randomly broadcast on NBA TV? The fact is, we want to watch basketball games when we know the players! It's impossible to become familiar with the 4738 players in Division I basketball, especially because they are only in the league anywhere from one year to a maximum of four.

While growing up, I remember several people trying to convince me that college basketball was so much better than professional basketball. I'm sure these people still try to convince innocent young men of the very same thing. They would say things like, "It's a faster paced game" and "It's more exciting."

Ok...

Still, anytime I would tune into CBS on a Saturday afternoon to watch Keith Van Horn lead the Utes or Mateen Cleaves putting up points for the Spartans, I never got the same feeling as I did while watching Patrick Ewing dunking in MSG or John Stockton dishing out assists in his short shorts. In fact, it wasn't even close. I continued to wonder where these people got these crazy "NCAA is better" ideas. Several weeks ago, The Grey Nathan sent me text informing me of someone's Facebook status: "March Madness....best time of the year!!" You would expect this to have come from a college-aged male. Wrong. College-aged female who is blatantly not a sports fan. How does this happen? Are some people really not interested in any other sport all year long but they legitimately love March Madness basketball? Or is this a social fad with no real explanation other than it's "cool" to like March Madness?

I am coming to realize that times have changed. I don't think I'm old enough to have realized this on my own, but I understand that it's a growing trend for college players to only stay in college for one, maybe two, years before entering the NBA draft. 20, 30 years ago, players stayed. Their college careers were just as meaningful to them as signing a big contract. This is nothing but bad news for the quality of the college game; it only means that all the good players are gone as soon as possible. Less talent equals a less good game. Is it possible that the college game USED TO be "more exciting" and "faster paced?" Maybe. I don't know.

The only thing that makes NCAA basketball more exciting is its single elimination tournament format. If the NBA had the same playoff format, it would become just as "exciting." A bunch of 20 year olds shooting a lot of 3-pointers with a few dunks scattered in now and again is not more exciting than watching Blake Griffin and Lebron James consistantly throwing down unhuman-like dunks. I don't think the more exciting system is necessarily better or worse than the current NBA best-of-7. In fact, it's easy to argue that the "best" team doesn't in fact win the NCAA championship a lot of the time.

If a person attended a particular college, or maybe their parent graduated from there, then understandably their March Madness experience will likely be enjoyed more than a casual NBA fan's playoff experience (as most people haven't graduated from an NBA franchise).

As in any sport, art, hobby, or game is it more enjoyable to watch a professional or an amateur show off their talent? Would someone rather admire a Da Vinci painting or one painted by the kid down the street? Who would give a better chess-watching performance: your grandpa or Bobby Fischer? Basketball is the same. NBA players are in the NBA because they are the best in the world at what they do. The games they play are simply more enjoyable than the games played by college students.

That being said, I still didn't get enough Jimmer.

Six Surprising Season Suprises

I wanted to stick with the alliteration theme from the previous posts. As this season is quickly coming to a close, I wanted to have a little review of some of the surprising events in what has been a great season. While there have been many things that I didn't really expect, only six things have truly surprised me about this season. Some were examples of excellence, while others were almost baffling. This list is in no specific order, so don't try to read into it too much.

1) How good the Spurs have been

I always expect the Spurs to be in the playoff hunt, but as Duncan and the other main players on the team have been getting older, it just seems natural that they would slowly slip down the Western Conference totem pole. Not so this year. As of today they were 58-19, had clinched the southwest division, and were 2.5 games ahead of the defending champion Lakers. To me, it was completely surprising that they were this good. They did it by basing their attack on their aging stars and by picking up the pace, something which seems contrary to the Spurs organization. I hate the Coach of the Year award, but Popovich really deserves it.

2) How good the Bulls have been

This is pretty similar to my first surprise, but for some very different reasons. I knew the Bulls would be better this year after signing Boozer, but I really didn't think they would be that good. At the start of the year I would have put them in fourth at best, and possibly even 5th (behind Miami, Boston, Orlando and possibly Atlanta). Right now, like the Spurs, they are leading the Eastern Conference by 2.5 games and are very close to a 60 win season. Unlike the Spurs, however, they have gotten there with a brand new coach, a very young set of stars (especially Derrick Rose), and a focus on defense. Rose has really been the key to their success, and my surprise. There was no way I thought he would be a top MVP pick who would be leading his team back to greatness. Crazy!

3) How terrible the Cavs have been

This one is completely opposite to the first two things that surprised me. I knew they would be bad this season. There is no way they could have replaced Lebron after he left, but a league-worst 15-61 season? 26 losses in a row? They didn't win for the whole month of January! If you went back a few games, they went 1-36 for a stretch. That's just crazy to me! They had some pretty decent players, even if the whole team was built to work around Lebron. They also have a pretty good coach, but even that didn't help. Again, don't think that I was picking them to make the playoffs. But I did think they could at least compete for the last spot (not because they were good, but because the other teams sucked too!). You'd think their professional pride would have at least got them a few more wins.

4) The Jazz debacle (or T-wah's nightmare)

If I had to rank these surprises (which I don't because it's my own post) I would probably put this at the top of most surprising. No one could have seen this coming. I actually was thinking they were a darkhorse to get to the finals. They had lost Boozer in the offseason, but did a very good job at replacing him by getting Al Jefferson (could he just be unlucky? He's always been on a loosing team and at the short end of trades). Add that with a hall of fame coach and one of the best point guards in the league, and you had a contender. But then out of no where Jerry Sloan retires, and then even more suddenly Deron Williams gets traded to New Jersey. Wow! What a crazy season for a team that was an example of stability. Now instead of contending in the playoffs, they've been eliminated and are most likely into full rebuilding mode. Now that was a surprise!

5) Kevin Love's breakthrough season

This was probably the least surprising of this list, but I still didn't really see it coming. I thought Love would eventually be a good NBA player, especially after Jefferson was traded and he became the best player on his terrible team (I mean, it had to be him, cause it sure wasn't gonna be Beasley or Darko!). But when he got his 30 point-30 rebound game, something which hadn't happened since Moses Malone did it in the 1970s, I was a little caught off guard. Then he went out and set the record for double-doubles in a season, which really surprised me because of all the good double-double guys that had played in the league recently (Garnett, Duncan, Howard, Shaq, etc.). How did Love get it when none of them had? I don't really have an answer, but the fact remains that he did, and that surprised me.

6) The New York Knicks

This one seems like an obvious choice because of all the stuff that's happened to them recently, but I put it on this list not for the reasons you may be thinking. I have to publicly admit that I thought the Stoudemire signing was not going to turn out. I was wrong, and I will admit that. The start of the Kinicks season was what really surprised me. They were such a good team with Stoudemire playing like an MVP, and the other guys around him really pulling their weight. Then came the Melo trade, which really wasn't that surprising (other than the Knicks gave up half their team for a guy they knew they could have signed in the offseason. I guess they must have really been afraid that he would have signed the extension and been traded to the Nets. Or they were just idiots!). What is surprising now is how bad they are. Everyone knew their defense would suffer, cause Melo doesn't play defense, but how are they so bad that the 76ers could beat them? They really should have been a threat in the first round. What a weird season for the Knicks!

So there's my list. Like I said, many other things were surprising to me, but these six I didn't see coming at all. Now please comment on this! I want to know what you think about these things, whether you agree or disagree, and if you feel that something else deserves to be on this list rather than what I've written. Let's make this website what we've wanted it to be. Fats out!

Playoff Predicting Penguin (...I wanted an alliteration)

As the NBA playoffs get nearer every day, only one thing is on my mind: Will the Utah Jazz be in or out? At only 1.5 games behind 8th place Memphis, it is certainly possible. Every night I find myself rooting for the Grizzlies, Rockets, Suns, and Hornets to lose while desparately inhaling every Jazz win I can get. In an effort to see if this is plausible, I present my playoff predictions.

These prediction are not at all based on emotion or hope but solely on statisics (although very rough ones). As of 4:30 pm (MDT), I took every NBA team's record and calculated their estimated win/loss record after playing all 82 games. There is only one rule to my calculations: if your record is better than your opponent's, you win. Homecourt advantage is not taken into account as I have no hard statistics proving what it does for a team's performance (an even record goes to the home team, however). Also, each team is likely to have roughly the same number of home and away games the remainder of the season, thus somewhat nullifying any calculated advantage. And, yes, this was probably a waste of time, but at least it gives me some indication whether or not to get my hopes up.



Not so fast, Lakers and Celtics...

First, the East:
1. Chicago
2. Boston
3. Miami
4. Orlando
5. Atlanta
6. New York
7. Philadelphia
8. Indiana

And the West...
1. San Antonio
2. LA Lakers
3. Dallas
4. Oklahoma City
5. Denver
5. New Orleans (tie)
7. Portland
and 8..........................................Memphis. Crap.

I'm Obsessed With Jerseys

While vacationing in Hawaii in January, I visited the Aloha Stadium Swapmeet. It is a collection of tents/booths set-up around the outside perimeter of a football stadium (the same stadium where the NFL Pro Bowl was played), and located about 1 mile from Pearl Harbor. Most of the tents are full of t-shirts, necklaces and other Hawaiian knick-knacks. There was one tent, however, off the beaten path, that I contained not one traditional Hawaiian souvenir. I don't think it had a name but if it did, it would be, "T-Wah's NBA Emporium." It was a mini heaven in already-heaven (Hawaii). There were basketball jerseys hanging from every bar and pole holding up the tent. It had a special gravitational pull and I somehow ended up separated from my wife who was busy finding a plastic hibiscus to put in her hair.

As I walked in, a young fellow was transacting the purchase of an authentic vintage Pete Maravich blue and green Atlanta Hawks jersey. Cool! My eyes then glanced over at the salesman; he was wearing a Pete Maravich LSU jersey (where he played college ball). Lining the walls were the jerseys of many of today's NBA All-Stars: KG, Lebron, Kobe, Wade, Durrant, etc. Other than jerseys, there were a couple of pieces of memorabilia: Steve Nash and Jason Kidd action figures, a book about Wilt the Stilt, and a few baseball caps. I purchased a jersey, but not before considering 3 others: an authentic Atlanta Hawks Spud Webb home jersey, a Phoenix Suns Yuta Tabuse (the only Japanese to play in the NBA) away jersey, and a Steve Nash team Canada jersey. The grand prize...a green and yellow "Pistol" Pete Maravich Utah Jazz away jersey.

This was a hard decision. The jersey, itself, is a piece of crap. It looks like it was made in a high school sewing class and the #7 on the front is so frayed it will probably fall off soon. The shape of it even sucks. The neck hole is too small and I'm pretty sure that Grimace was the model for the shape. I decided that if I bought a jersey that it should probably be from my favorite team. The Pistol is the favorite player of one of my brothers. He introduced a new style of ball to the league and although I never saw him play in my lifetime he remains one of the greatest, if not the greatest, ball handler of all time. It was time for me to bring a part of my team's history into my home for only $15.



Which brings me to my obsession with collecting NBA jerseys. With my most recent acquisition, I felt it appropriate to discuss my entire collection:

1. Karl Malone, purple, Utah Jazz away - My 1st and favorite jersey. Can't beat it. It was my first prized NBA possession and purchased when the Jazz were at the top of the world (almost). My cousin, who lived in Utah, bought it for me and brought it to me when he came to visit.



Don't mind the background...those are
the kinds of bedspreads they give you
in Hawaiian condos.

2. Vince Carter, purple/black, Toronto Raptors away - I hope everyone remembers Vinsanity in his heyday. There was no one better. My life was better when I watched him play.

3. Donyell Marshall, white, Utah Jazz home - By far the crappiest jersey I own. It brings the most laughs (both from myself and anyone who knows the league very well). Bought it for $10 on a clearance rack at the Delta Center.

4. Jason Williams, black, Sacramento Kings away - I love(d) this jersey. The colors are wicked. I think Snakes has it. I want it back.
5. Shaquile O'Neal, purple, Phoenix Suns away - Another good laugh. My wife bought it for me at Walmart while we lived, and worked, in Phoenix.
6. Carlos Boozer, baby blue, Utah Jazz away - What can I say? He was the next Karl Malone.
7. LeBron James, maroon, Cleveland Cavaliers away - People used to like him, you know. Bought this at an outdoor mall in Orlando....clearance.
8. Deron Williams, dark blue, Utah Jazz away - Remember when he played for the Jazz? Me too...
9. Kevin Durrant, blue, OKC Thunder away - My least favorite-looking jersey. Refer to my previous post a few months ago to see what I recommend instead. I bought this jersey in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho before people had mancrushes on KD.

10. Al Jefferson, blue/gold/green, Utah Jazz away - This one is brand new and autographed. I love it. I love "Big Al" (also how he signs his name). My brother bought me this jersey on a vacation to Utah before the season started. I needed this jersey from the moment I found out about his trade to Utah.

Jerseys are an extension of my passion. Each one tells a story and although I don't get to wear them often, they put a smile on my face every time I look at the bottom rack of my closet.

Why the Mavs will finally win the NBA title

I know I know. You're all laughing at me right now and many of you really want to bring up the meltdown against Dwayne Wade and the Heat in 2006 and then the ugly first round upset by Golden State the next year. Some of you would point out that the Lakers have won the last two titles and there is really nothing stopping them from making it a three-peat, other than the Celtics, Heat, Magic, Bulls, Thunder or Spurs that is. Then those of you who really know what you are talking about will look at what has happened to the Mavs this year, losing Caron Butler, their second best player, for the whole season, and say that there is no way they can make up for that loss. Well screw you all is what I would say to that! Although all the teams mentioned above had a legitimate shot at winning it all this year, I am going to argue that it will end up being the Mavs who will be hoisting the awkwardly shaped NBA trophy this June.

It all starts with Dirk. He's having an incredible year and is a strong candidate for MVP. Just look at what happened when he was injured, and the team sputtered to a terrible record. Then take a look at his stats this year. Although his rebounds are down from his '06-'07 MVP season, his points are close (22.8 vs. 24.6), and both his field goal and three point shooting percentages are actually better than his MVP year (they're actually career highs of 52.5% and 42.4% respectively), meaning he has become more efficient at what he is doing. He's still one of the best clutch shooters, making teams double team him, which frees up many of the other shooters on the team.

Jason Kidd is showing his age (his career low points per game is at 8.4, the same as his assist per game number, which is quite respectable), but in the playoffs, when teams slow it down much more, he is still great at making the right pass and setting up his teammates. His back ups, Jose Barea and Rodrique Beaubois, are both strong players and can either take over for Kidd or play alongside them. Then bring in Jason Terry, who is still one of the best sixth men in the league, and the guard position is well looked after.

Anchoring the newly defensive minded team is center Tyson Chandler, who seems to get a lot of the credit for bringing the Mavs back into title contention. Apparently he can do a lot more than just catch lobs, like he did with Chris Paul in New Orleans. Then you have back up center Brendan Haywood, who can still be a strong presence in the post, despite some regression this year. I also think the Mav's bench is one of the deepest in the league, with former All-Stars Shawn Marion and Peja Stojakovic and soon to be picked up Corey Brewer, the former number 7 pick in the 2007 draft. Marion and Brewer bring intensity and great defense, while Peja, along with Terry, Beaubois and DeShawn Stevenson, can space the floor and knock down the long ball.

All this adds up to a team that I think is one of the most dangerous teams in the league, and one that most other teams will not want to face come playoff time. They have size, speed, deep threats, defense and an MVP candidate, all of which can add up to a championship. I am a little hesitant to give them the title right now, as they have had some problems in the past, but this team feels different. The '06 team still felt a bit shakey, and the Golden State upset, when looked at closely, could be seen quite easily. I just feel that this team has the experience and toughness needed to make the full run. I do think it will be a tough road to the championship (San Antonio is always a tough opponent, the Lakers will wake up come playoff time, and I think Boston, who made some great trades at the deadline, is the best in the East and a really deep team as well), but I have confidence in my team. I look forward to boasting this June and all summer long on the Pads about my team and their first ever NBA championship! I hope you're all as excited as I am!